...

I feel terrible. I don't know why. I want the earth to open up and swallow me just so i wouldn't have to think about it. It's 2243hours and i really should be getting home but I can't bring myself to leave work. It's depressing to walk into an empty house. Well not really empty, my housemate and her boyfriend would be around, asleep, but this feeling of loneliness descends and seems to engulf me the minute I step foot into the place. I' ve spent an hour IM-ing a friend who's all the way in Australia, and the last 47 minutes reading old e-mails, some dating back to the year 2000. So now I've made things worse. I not only feel terrible, i'm also nostalgic and missing the days of yore. The days where nothing was complicated, you kept in touch with friends wherever they were in the world and the future was about which set of songs we'd be jamming next week, and getting through our finals. If only it were possible to just close my eyes and wish myself back 4 years. I'm not sure if I was happiest then but it sure as hell seems like it right now. How is it possible to have so many friends and yet feel so desperately lonely? Does everyone feel that way? When you move away from your country, from your childhood friends, will you ever feel at home again? I never felt homesick upon moving here, probably because I was never that far away to start with, and I was happy. But I'm beginning to feel like I don't belong anymore. I don't feel anchored. What if I'll never as happy as I want to be in a foreign country that I'm willing to leave everything else for and start over?

I can't think anymore. I think I better go home now...

oh no!!

Oh no!!! It's my dad's birthday in 5 days. It'll take about a week to reach him and I've not gotten a card yet!! I'm a terrible daughter... sigh


update: Never did send that card, called him instead :p

Ding-Dong Wedding Bells...

A colleague of mine walks into the teacher's room, face all aglow with a badly played nonchalance air about her. I eye her suspiciously... What is she up to? She casually sits beside me and says,

"I'm slowly breaking the news to everyone, ok."

Uh-oh.. what's up?

"George* proposed to me."

Sorry, what? Run that by me again? My brain had a little trouble comprehending. This from the guy who said he didn't wanna think about marriage for another 10 years? I turned and stared at her (picture: jaw dropped, eyes wide open, hands undecided if they should cover mouth or grab friend and shake her). I finally settle on two clenched fists in front of my mouth and a very high-pitched screech. Followed by a very resounding "Oh my GOD!!!!" Lots of hugging and hand squeezing and "oh my gods" later, we finally calm down enough to get down to the nitty gritty... How did he propose!!! (Why is this so important again??) It was then we were joined by another colleague, 6 months into her marriage, and very excited to share advice on the ABCs of choosing THE dress and THE ring. What entails is about 30 mins of gushing and sighing and excited hand clapping, after which Karen* and I actually try to persuade the now overwhelmed bride to be to go across the road and try on several dresses, "just so you'll have a rough idea". Our euphoria is dampened a little though, by Sheryl* pronouncing both of us mad and delirious, and then saying how terrified she feels about the whole thing. Awwwwww... The poor dear. Of course we start up again 2 seconds later, this time with WHERE the wedding should be held. We're all gunning for an Italian fare, since he hails from the country that gave the world pasta and gelato. And that's when I find out that a typical Western wedding would probably only involve between 55-70 guests, whereas a typical Asian wedding would see anything between 200 - 500 guests, or more depending on your culture. I guess Asians tend to ensure that everyone even remotely related to you are invited. Out of respect...

Anyway, there's excitement in the air (mostly due to the women folk) and I bet you every other single female, will be surfing the net at one point or other to "check out a dress" or "wonder which ring would look nice on me".

Nevertheless, congratulations Cheryl! We're all thrilled for you. Don't worry about the hen party, it'll all be taken care of!



*names have been changed. Part of the deal if I wanted to post this :p

Yakkity Yak, Don't Talk Back!

I just realised something... I need to talk to people. I've always enjoyed a good natter with someone about anything under the sun... as long as it involved an exchange of ideas and opinions. It helps get my mind away and working on things other than 'Elmer and Friends' and 'The Rainbow Fish'. Unfortunately, all my running around sorting things out and settling new children has left me with absolutely no time to sit down and have a decent conversation with anyone. And hence, I feel as though my mind's running on empty. God what a scary thought! Of course there are other ways of challenging the mind... reading for example. But that's so one-way. It's just me and my thoughts, unless I can find someone who is reading or has read the book, then it would probably be a great avenue for a discussion. Besides, unlike a novel that I can usually devour in about 2-3 days if allowed the luxury of time, stuff like, 'Wild Swans', and 'Siddharta' don't generally allow for such easy reading... So i turn to humankind to get the cogs turning.

A couple of weeks back, I found myself and 3 others, in the middle of a somewhat 'fierce' debate between two colleagues on whether Perception equaled Reality. It was pretty interesting. Interesting in the sense that both parties used various fields of study to argue their point... from philosophy and religion, to physics and biology, which in turn prompted more questions, so much so that the whole discussion was in danger of coagulating into one huge and complicated mess had our 'moderator' not made sure we stayed on track. Yes, we tend to get carried away sometimes... But it's all in the spirit of fun and your brain does get a mini workout at the same time :)

Conclusion: I NEED TO TALK TO PEOPLE!!! I'm going outta my mind here!!