New Beginnings

I am not one for making resolutions, especially not on New Year’s Eve. If you ever hear me make one, I can assure you that it was done in the spirit of things. (I never keep to them anyway, so why bother). And this year was no different, New Year’s Eve came and went like any other day, except the fact that I couldn’t help wishing I could relive the 31st of December in 2003, one of the best New Year’s Eves ever. But there’s no point wishing for something that you can’t have again, a habit that I'd unthinkingly fallen into.

And so, I’ve decided to make a birthday resolution: to sort and store my what-was and had-beens for the last 26 years and make space for the next.

But first, I need 2 boxes, one that I wrap with shiny red paper that has star-bursts on it, and the second, deep-blue metallic paper paired with a gold ribbon.

That done, I take a walk down memory lane.

I revisit all my favourite moments; walking home at midnight after a movie, hand in hand with the person who’d captured my heart; strolling along the streets of Paris; in my bathroom in tears of joy when I found a surprise that was waiting for me; holidaying in Bintan; learning to drive; my first kiss; my first slow-dance; running in the rain; it’s a long list…

A montage of my happiest times slowly float by back to back as though on a film reel. And at each one I pause and allow myself to step back in time and immerse myself in the emotions of that moment, grateful for having had the chance to experience them: Once done, I line them up neatly in the red box with star bursts, close the lid and store them away… someplace accessible of course, so that I can look through them whenever I choose.

Next, and the more difficult of the two: To look past disappointments and hurts in the face, cry over them, accept them, cry over them some more and then let them go once and for all. It is not easy, but I am not alone. I have a comforting voice on the other end of the line and I make it through. I don’t erase them though. Why should I? They played a big part in making me who I am today. I’d like to think that I’m stronger, that I’ve learnt from my mistakes. I stack them up in my gold-ribboned box instead. They deserve a pretty box too, just one with a tight knot over the top.

And so for the first time in a long long while, I’ve fulfilled a resolution. And I feel as light as air. I’ve laid all my demons to rest, and filled my treasure boxes to the brim with beautiful memories. It’s now time to begin a brand new year. My 26th. And I can’t wait!