How to Survive the Dating Game...

In the whole time I was single, hardly anything exciting happened in terms of romantic encounters (well, that's not entirely true). And I don't count the misfortune of getting involved with a complete asshole for a brief period of time, 'exciting'... Anyway, now that I'm off the market I'm getting dinner invitations, promises of fun at the beach, movie outings, chocolates, cute little stuffed animals, AND 2 separate marriage proposals... (the first was more of a promise to bail me out of spinsterhood in the event I found myself still in need of a partner by the time I turned 35). So what's wrong with this picture? None of them are from the person that really matters...

A married girlfriend of mine decided to give me a pep talk on my current situation that went something like this:-

"Girl, you're not getting any younger...... never after 30 to tie the knot.... What are you doing?!?!!" (Her reaction to the fact that I'm not taking advantage of any of the attention I'm suddenly getting and prefering instead to have an LDR with the person I love...)

She then proceeded to enlighten me, and I mean this literally because I was completely unaware of this fact, that WOMEN CAN'T MARRY FOR LOVE! I wasn't sure I heard her right.

"What do you mean women can't marry for love? Why else would you get married then?"

Well, according to Miss (oops... Mrs.) Expert, women are built such that when they're in love, they'll do anything and everything for their man. (Sounds logical to me)... BUT, apparently, by doing the 'anything and everything' a woman is inadvertently achieving the exact opposite to what she'd set out to do, because, the man, being a man, is either gonna

1) back off

2) lose interest

3) take advantage of her

4) take her for granted

or if karma's really got it in for you, all 4.

The bottom line is, forget about ever taking on his family name. Not gonna happen. WHY? Because men like to be kept on the edge, they like it when the girl is just out of their reach, they enjoy having to work for her attention even if they don't wanna admit it.

I've become quite curious by this line of thought by now. I repeat, it's not something that's ever crossed my mind. And then the biggest shock of all... She admitted to being head-over-heels in love with a particular young man, but because she knew things could never work out with him, she picked *practical over ideal* and married someone who was completely crazy about her, but whom she only liked alot and grew to love over the years. And why was this guy so crazy about her? because she wasn't all over him as she would've been if she was in love with him...

Now if you ask me, if whatever she's saying is generally what happens in relationships, then this whole marriage business is a Catch 22. You love him, he runs away; but promises you the world if you play hard to get. I'm sorry, but are all these games necessary??! What ever happened to I love you, you love me, let's get married. Yes yes, I know, I'm a horrible idealist and hopeless romantic. I've been accused of living in a fantasy and surrounding myself with bubbles of impossible deams. Whatever... The idealist in me refuses to accept the fact that love does NOT conquer all. I'll know what to do when the times comes... I hope :s

** a similar comment was made the night before by a now-married ex. His piece of advice was that eventhough it's great to have ideals, one would be in trouble if one is unable to accept the fact that more often than not, one will have to settle for practical and give up the ideal...