On Growing Up

Speaking of change… a colleague of mine recently said that I’ve changed… one of those subtle shifts in personality that the larger population wouldn’t notice, only those whom I hang out with often. Apparently I’m not as light-hearted as I was before. I don’t club as often and I don’t drink as much; that I’m a little more abrupt, a little less patient, a little less tolerant. I was given the nickname “The friendly Malaysian”, but I don’t do the title justice anymore. Nevertheless, I took his comment as a positive thing. Why? Well to understand why, I’ll need to explain a little more about myself.

I’d always been an accommodating person, the type who found it difficult to say ‘no’ and volunteered to do things I was not required to do but did anyway because it put a smile on the other person’s face; the type who trusted implicitly and seldom questioned; the type who believed in the good in everyone and that we all deserve second chances; the type who believed that the world would be a better place to be in if everyone got over their egos and just started living a little…

But 3 years into the working world and I’ve come to realize that most people don’t really give a damn if you offered to help someone cover a class coz they were sick, or volunteer to run an errand, or put up with someone’s nonsense because they found it difficult to change their ways. All people (with the exception of a precious few) saw was an opportunity and a way to take advantage of it. And after being burned a couple of times, (the final straw happened last week) I figured, enough is enough. If people can’t appreciate what I do, then fuck them all… I’d rather reserve my energies and goodwill for others who actually deserve it.

I don’t want to say that I’ve become jaded, coz I don’t think I have. I still hold on to many of the aforementioned beliefs, but I think I’ve gone into self-preservation mode. And I’ve grown up a little more, something I was never really in a great hurry to do. So now I put my foot down a little more often, and do things at MY convenience when necessary, while still maintaining my professionalism when at work, and consideration for others when in a social setting. I’ve also accepted the fact that there are many many wolves in sheep’s clothing out there and that if I don’t want to be eaten alive, it’d do me good to be a little less trusting and a little more wary. So yes, I take my change very positively…

Time for a congratulatory can of beer….